We have had really positive encounters with strangers on this crazy journey with Jacques. But, we have had less than pleasant experiences as well. I have to be really careful with this post, because I want to highlight the lessons we have learned and these are all positive, although the lessons have come from some really dark experiences.
The first encounter I want to share happened a few years ago, just after one of Jacques' hernia repairs. We were having lunch at his favorite restaurant, and he was clapping his hands loudly (as he always does) out of excitement, he had just spent the week in hospital, so he was really happy to be in one of his favorite places. I overheard an elderly couple not far from our table complaining (loudly) about the ruckus Jacques was making. Unfortunately, I also heard the one person say, and I'm paraphrasing: "couldn't they leave him at home". Ouch. This really stung. I had to fight back the tears for my youngest son, who always picks up on my distress. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole at first. I felt embarrassed and sad, but also really angry. How could these people, who didn't know us, who had no clue what my son had been through just a couple of days before, be so judgemental and cruel. We ate our lunch as quickly as possible, but on the way out I stopped at their table and explained what Jacques had been through and that I had promised him that we could go out for lunch as soon as he was discharged from hospital. I didn't stick around to see their reactions, but I hope they will think twice next time, before making hurtful comments. This experience stayed with me for a long time and it bothered me for ages. I finally realized that other people's opinions of my son is exactly that, their opinion. Jacques has just as much right to express himself in the ways he can, as those people felt they had the right to express their opinions. After that experience I started to join Jacques in his clapping, especially when I see other people staring or giving us some evil glances.
The second experience caught me by surprise. The ladys reaction shocked me so much, I actually didn't have words, and just watched in silence as she drove off. We were waiting for daddy in the car outside the grocery store when Jacques tried to wave to a lady passing the car. She ignored him and he didnt like it, so he threw an empty coke bottle at her. Now, I know this was wrong of him, but he just wanted her attention. She turned around furious and as I was apologizing she gave me this death glare and really nastily asked where we are from. I told her where we live to which she replied, yes, she can see that, and got in her car and sped away. I had to explain to my youngest son what she meant by that. How do you explain to your child that the lady thinks she's better than us and that we live in an area that's beneath her? Well I did just that, I explained to him that the lady has some personal issues and that we should forgive her because she probably just had a bad day. Later that day I actually laughed when I recalled the incident and felt quite sorry for her.
The last incident I want to mention happened when Jacques was just a baby. He had a cast on his left leg, his left clubfoot had been repaired and he was also still on 24 hours oxygen. We were quite the spectacle. This tiny baby in a cast with an oxygen cannula and oxygen bottle traveling with everywhere. We were entering a restaurant (again - yes we like to eat😜), when the waitress told me that she would call social services on me because I obviously neglected my baby - she saw the cast etc and assumed the worst about my parenting skills. Now, Jacques is my firstborn and I have to admit I did not have such a thick skin in the beginning. I felt so ashamed and even wondered for a second if maybe she had a point. Was this my fault? It took me some years to realize that I did not do anything wrong, I did not cause Jacques' health issues. In our case, it is most likely genetic, we have a family history of genetic abnormalities. I have made peace with Jacques' diagnosis, and my son is perfect the way he is. God truly blessed us with two perfect sons and we are really honored to be their parents.
Although this post focused on negative experiences, they are still in the minority and most people we meet are really open minded and kind towards us. I hope this post will remind everyone reading to always be kind, because you never know what others are going through. I also hope this post will raise awareness of the struggles and prejudices special needs families sometimes have to deal with.
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