When does helicopter parenting become something more in special needs parenting?
Helicopter parenting is described as follows (according to Wikipedia) : A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly.
Sound familiar, special needs parents? I think every single special needs family can be described as being like this at sometime or another. With the meltdowns so common in autism, we have to be aware of everything that could trigger one.
But what if this phenomenon becomes something more? What if you can't seem to relax even when there is nothing around to trigger a meltdown. What if you can't seem to switch of your fight or flight response, even when safely at home?
Luckily, we have access to A LOT of information online. You can research anything, including your own symptoms.
That is how I learned about hypervigilance. People who experience hypervigilance are unusually sensitive to their environment and people around them. Now, I am constantly with Jacques and therefor my subconscious is constantly anticipating his next moves. As a result, my senses are on high alert all the time, I feel like I have to be ready to spot and respond to any danger, to Jacques or to myself. And this feeling NEVER switches of. As you can imagine this is not just tiring, it is draining.
Now, hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD. And PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To my surprise, I found out that it is quite common in parents of special needs kids. Exactly for the reasons mentioned above.
I know exactly what triggered my PTSD, it happened in July 2019. We were admitted to the hospital AGAIN and Jacques was understandably very aggressive because of all the trauma he has been through.
If you have read some of my previous posts you know how many times this poor kid has been hospitalized.
I ALWAYS sleep in when he is admitted to take care of his diabetes and to stand in the way of his aggression towards the staff.
These pics are of only a few admissions in the last 3 years or so.
His aggression peaked the one night and he attacked me, and I snapped. I could actually feel my heart break and I gave up. I didn't fight his attack, I just let him hit me and scratch me.
He went in to theater the next day and I admitted to myself that our lives would probably be alot less chaotic if he never came out. And for a split second, I didn't care if he came out, and in that admittance I felt like the worst mother on earth. My husband had to sleep in with us that night after theater as I could not cope alone. It was the first time ever that my husband had to step in like that, to take care of us both.
I really dislike this picture as I know where my head was at when I took it. But this is the closest pic I have to maybe convey my emotions at that time.
That incident in the hospital is what triggered my PTSD, and it took me a little more than 6 months to realize this.
If I'm honest, the last six months have been a blur. I shut down almost completely, I tried to stay functional for my family but I can now see I didn't really succeed.
I am so glad I started writing again, as through my writing, and the encouraging responses I received, I found the courage to really look at myself, to recognize I am in trouble. I have taken steps to start my own recovery but I also recognize that I need help, professional help.
My timing couldn't be worse however. We changed medical aids this year and we are in a 3 month waiting period now. I did speak to my husband and he has promised to help me through until April, when I can see a specialist mental health professional. This is however again not going to be easy, as I need to find someone who really understands PTSD in parents of special needs kids. I am however hopeful that my sons neurologist will have someone she can recommend. She has been a constant in our lives and we would not have come as far as we have without her help. I trust her completely.
In the meantime I will continue to write and to research treatment options for PTSD. And I will try to take better care of myself because I know my family needs me.
Photo by Alex Kremer from Pexels
Helicopter parenting is described as follows (according to Wikipedia) : A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly.
Sound familiar, special needs parents? I think every single special needs family can be described as being like this at sometime or another. With the meltdowns so common in autism, we have to be aware of everything that could trigger one.
But what if this phenomenon becomes something more? What if you can't seem to relax even when there is nothing around to trigger a meltdown. What if you can't seem to switch of your fight or flight response, even when safely at home?
Luckily, we have access to A LOT of information online. You can research anything, including your own symptoms.
That is how I learned about hypervigilance. People who experience hypervigilance are unusually sensitive to their environment and people around them. Now, I am constantly with Jacques and therefor my subconscious is constantly anticipating his next moves. As a result, my senses are on high alert all the time, I feel like I have to be ready to spot and respond to any danger, to Jacques or to myself. And this feeling NEVER switches of. As you can imagine this is not just tiring, it is draining.
Now, hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD. And PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To my surprise, I found out that it is quite common in parents of special needs kids. Exactly for the reasons mentioned above.
I know exactly what triggered my PTSD, it happened in July 2019. We were admitted to the hospital AGAIN and Jacques was understandably very aggressive because of all the trauma he has been through.
If you have read some of my previous posts you know how many times this poor kid has been hospitalized.
I ALWAYS sleep in when he is admitted to take care of his diabetes and to stand in the way of his aggression towards the staff.
These pics are of only a few admissions in the last 3 years or so.
His aggression peaked the one night and he attacked me, and I snapped. I could actually feel my heart break and I gave up. I didn't fight his attack, I just let him hit me and scratch me.
He went in to theater the next day and I admitted to myself that our lives would probably be alot less chaotic if he never came out. And for a split second, I didn't care if he came out, and in that admittance I felt like the worst mother on earth. My husband had to sleep in with us that night after theater as I could not cope alone. It was the first time ever that my husband had to step in like that, to take care of us both.
I really dislike this picture as I know where my head was at when I took it. But this is the closest pic I have to maybe convey my emotions at that time.
That incident in the hospital is what triggered my PTSD, and it took me a little more than 6 months to realize this.
If I'm honest, the last six months have been a blur. I shut down almost completely, I tried to stay functional for my family but I can now see I didn't really succeed.
I am so glad I started writing again, as through my writing, and the encouraging responses I received, I found the courage to really look at myself, to recognize I am in trouble. I have taken steps to start my own recovery but I also recognize that I need help, professional help.
My timing couldn't be worse however. We changed medical aids this year and we are in a 3 month waiting period now. I did speak to my husband and he has promised to help me through until April, when I can see a specialist mental health professional. This is however again not going to be easy, as I need to find someone who really understands PTSD in parents of special needs kids. I am however hopeful that my sons neurologist will have someone she can recommend. She has been a constant in our lives and we would not have come as far as we have without her help. I trust her completely.
In the meantime I will continue to write and to research treatment options for PTSD. And I will try to take better care of myself because I know my family needs me.
Comments
Post a Comment